Part 5 "Adios Mi Amor"

"Estoy confundido. Nunca voy a entender este idioma," (I'm confused. I'm never going to understand this language)," I said to her frustrated.

"No te preocupes baby. (Don't worry baby) Tarda mucho tiempo (It takes time)," Tiffanie said reassuringly.

"No tengo puta tiempo! (I don't have fucking time!)" I said with a stern tongue as I threw the newspaper on the table.

"Mirame mi amor. (Look at me my amor). Ten paciencia. (Be patient). Recuerdas siempre cariño, Poco a poco. (Always remember baby, little by little)...

I feel when women meet men, they begin to think of the possibilities or where the relationship could possibly end up. On the first encounter with a woman, I think similarly. I find myself telling her how beautiful she is and how interested I am in her because at the time it's true. All women are, in one way or another. There's always something about every one of you. There's a smile, a curve, a secret. Ladies really are the most amazing creatures. My life's work. But then there's the morning after. The hangover, and the realization that I'm not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she's gone and I'm haunted by yet another road not taken.

After more than two years, my tenure in Madrid was rapidly coming to an end and the road I chose to travel on was Route Isa; my most recent Australian love interest.

I called her my "Aussie Fries". 

Isa

What I noticed about Isa was she was a woman who just wanted to be loved. She was insecure about whether a guy truly liked her or not. She would keep her true thoughts from coming to light so as not to upset me. Instead of her telling me that she wanted me to spend the night with her, she would play it off as no big deal. If she wanted to go somewhere that I did not, she would never press after my initial refusal. And I just the kind of 23 year-old asshole to take advantage of a vulnerable woman.

I knew she wasn't the right girl for me. She was too chubby. She talked too much. The sex was mediocre at best. I could have told her all this and spared her the heartbreak later, but for some strange reason, I still cared about her feelings and didn't want to see them shattered. I was leaving in a few months anyway and soon I wouldn't have to see anything at all.

One weekend, Isa and I went to Toledo, Spain. The second most famous book in the world after the Holy Bible is Don Quijote de la Mancha by Miguel de Cervantes. It is a book written in 1605 about our hero Don Quijote who decides to give up his average life and travel around the country of Spain as a adventurous knight. This story was a spoof of knight's stories and was very comical. Many of the events take place in Toledo, Spain. They have a Route of Don Quijote where fellow adventure-goers can travel the path that the fictional hero once traveled.

Toledo, Spain

Later that night before Isa and I was getting ready to go out and see what the city had to offer.

"Gavin?", she said to me in that Australian accent that I adored so much.

"Yes my Aussie Fries?"

"Do you think you love me?"

God dammit...

"I'm not sure. Why do you ask?"

"Well I really like you and I think about you all the time. So that must be love, right?"

"I don't know Isa. I really like you too, but it's too soon to talk about love I think. We should just be happy that we found each other and cherish every moment."

"You're right," she said as she wrapped her arms around me.

Dodged that bullet.


Back in Madrid, I would frequently go out and leave Aussie at home. If she protested, then I would flash some anger and watch her retreat back into her shell. I had become a womanizer. I took advantage of her insecurities. Once she even told me that the only reason she slept with me on the first night was so that I would talk to her again.

To make matters worse, my friends really liked her. She was funny and really enjoyable to be around. Many people see as a good thing but not me. The closer girlfriends get to your friends, makes it that much harder to get rid of when the breakup comes. And make no mistake about it, a breakup was coming.

But we didn't breakup. After 5 months, Isa was still by my side. I never cheated on her. She was happy and I was happy that she was happy. I still hadn't told her that I would be a world away in 30 days or so. I remember that we went to a club called "La Comedia". We were dancing and she had a little too much to drink. It is never a good idea to let your girlfriend have too much to drink.

They get emotional and Isa was no exception to the rule.

"Gavin?" she asked me at the bar.

"Yes my Aussie Fries."

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know? Home I guess."

"No, like what is next for us?"

This is  a trap question. These types of questions arise from a woman who wants assurance and certainty in the relationship. If you answer nonchalantly and express doubt, then she will be doubtful and become sad. If you express false optimism, she will get her hopes up about taking the relationship to the next level, whatever that may be. The best thing to do is direct the attention from the future to the present.

"How can I know what will happen tomorrow Isa? What I know is that we are here, in a club, enjoying the moment. That is all that matters. This moment right here."

Normally, that would have been enough to make her back off, but with the liquid courage fueling her, she persisted.

"You know I love you, right?"

Are fucking kidding me? No way she let's me slide without saying it back. 

I leaned in really close and kissed her passionately on the lips. I kissed her for a long time. When I pulled away, she was so caught up in the moment that anything before didn't matter.

Crisis averted.

A few days later I decided to go by myself to a club called Serrano 41. I rarely go to this club because it's only open on Sunday's, but tonight I wanted to go out. At the club, I was dancing and innocently chatting with girls. I felt a light tap on my shoulders and when I turned around, I was overcome with all kinds of emotions.

That bright orange hair. A shade lighter than caramel skin complexion. That small but well filled-out frame.

Her name was Tiffanie.

Tiffanie

I hadn't seen her in more than a year and there she stood more beautiful than ever. She jumped up and hugged me and that familiar smell of her favorite perfume filled my nostrils.

"Baby," she whispered in my ear.

"Mi amor," I whispered back without thought of what I was saying.

"Vas a comprarme un chupito" (Are you going to buy me a shot?)

"Claro que si." (Of course.)

We made small talk about how we each were doing. She told me that she was recently in a music video in Africa. I wouldn't dare tell her what I had been up to. She said she wanted to drink. And she wanted to drink a lot. I ordered ten shots of Tequila.

Shot after shot after shot. We became closer and more playful with each one. I forgot how much fun is was to talk to her. She was really impressed with how much my Spanish had improved. We never were able to communicate on this level without some kind of dictionary or translator. She was different though. More reserved. She didn't want to mislead me into thinking that we would be shacking up. Fair enough.





Tiffanie is in the one in the black dress to the right of the male singer.


After shots 9 and 10, her small body wouldn't allow her to continue. I noticed her unconvincingly trying to prop her head up with her hands at the bar. I asked her how she was going to get home and she couldn't come up with an acceptable answer. I dragged her outside and we took a cab to my place.

Upon opening the door, she ran to the bathroom and began vomiting. I sat next to her making sure she wouldn't pass out or anything. I picked her up into my arms and carried her to my bedroom. I removed her dress and placed one of my oversized t-shirts over her head.

Have her breasts gotten bigger?

I woke up the next morning with her smiling in my face. She thanked me for helping her and she left with not much more. I felt an array of mixed emotions at that point. It would be pointless to try and spark something up with Tiffanie when my time in Spain was coming to an end. I also didn't want to hurt Isa anymore than I had to. I figured it best to just to leave Tiffanie be.

She wouldn't let me. Three days later, I received a call from Tiffanie asking if I wanted to go on a little trip with her. She said that she wanted to go to the town of Aranjuez which was a 30 minute train ride just outside of Madrid. I agreed.

I met her at the train station. She was there looking gorgeous as ever. She had on white pants, a tight black shirt, and her hair was in a pony tail. We boarded the train and joked and laughed the entire trip to the small town.

Aranjuez was a small and captivating town. It has a huge palace which is used by the Spanish royal family in the Spring. Miles Davis went to this town and liked it so much that he made a song about it. Tiffanie and I enjoyed the town as much as the late music legend did.

We rode a train around the town. We toured the palace. We even rented a kayak and paddled up the river the runs through the town. I realized then and there that if a true love existed, it had to be her. I didn't have to put on a show. I didn't have to think about what I was saying. I didn't even have to know the word for what I wanted to say and she understood me all the same.

The Royal Palace in Aranjuez, Spain

We returned to Madrid after dark that night. I went to the bus station and waited with her for her bus to come and take her home. She sat there with my arm draped around her. She kissed me on my cheek. I returned the kiss to her cheek. The bus arrived and she hug me long and hard. I watched her enter the bus doubting if I would ever see her again and I turned to walk home. I heard my name called from behind me. I turned back to see my love walking towards.

"Vamanos por tu casa baby." (Let's go home)

Ever since I was 13, baths became foreign to me. My height would no longer allow me to fit into the bathtub comfortably. At 23, my 6 foot, 2 inches frame was even less forgiving. Nevertheless, I crawled into the tub with the love of my life. She gently washed my back and I returned the favor as the bathroom filled with the aroma of the burning candles. Her kiss was sweeter than I ever remembered and it stirred up feelings that I could only compare to Eve taking that first bite of the forbidden fruit.


After the sexual tension built up to the point that we could no longer bear, we jumped out the tub soaking wet and hurried to the bedroom without a single touch of a towel. Sprawled out on her back, I began to kiss every inch of her body. Savoring every freckle, every curve, every imperfection. I opened her leg and began to pleasure her with my mouth. Her moans were the only confirmation that I needed of my technique. When she was soaking wet inside and out, I finally pulled out my manhood and entered her.

"Te quiero Gavin"

"I love you too," I replied in English.

I left her sleeping in the bed the next morning as I left for work. When I returned, I found my apartment spotless and a note from my love telling me how much she enjoyed the night before. I thought about Isa. Clearly I would never feel this way about Isa, that I felt for Tiffanie. It was time to break things off were her so I can spend my last days in Madrid with my love. This was easier said than done.

Days went by that I was with Tiffanie and I didn't so much as pick up the phone for Isa. I could have taken the man approach but as time passed on, I figured I'll take the "She'll get the point" approach. I assumed she did as the time dwindled on and the calls were less frequent. I could picture her crying and wondering why I abandoned her. Another shame that I have to live with.

One evening Tiffanie and I were walking by the park next to my apartment. We approached "El Templo de Debod". During the 1950's, Egypt was experiencing massive flooding. Spain came to the rescue and helped them relocate some pyramids and old artifacts. As a gift for their assistance, Egypt rewarded Spain with their very own Temple. This is where Tiffanie stopped me and asked me a question.

El Templo De Debod

"Me harias el honour de ser mi esposo?" (Will you do me the honor of being my husband?)

Why wouldn't I? She is everything I could ever want from a woman. She doesn't speak much English, but she could learn. My parents.....

Don't get married and don't have any kids.

The words of my father the last time I seen him echoed in my head.

"Sabes que voy a regresar a mi pais en cuatro dias. Me cantaria pasar todo mi vida contigo pero no tenemos el tiempo para planarlo y no quiermos equivocarnos. Te prometo a volver para ti en un año mi amor, ok?"

(You know I'm going to return to my country en 4 days. I would love to spend the rest of my life with you but we don't have time to plan this and we don't want to make any mistakes. I promise to return for you in one year my love, ok?)

"Si papi. Entiendo." (Yes papi. I understand).

I don't think she understood. I don't think I understood. I was at a crossroad at that moment and instead of taking the road of love, I kicked the can down the road and stayed in my comfort zone. As good of a woman that I would ever find and declined her offer.

My last days in Spain went by too quickly. I went to the Spanish Rivera and soaked in the sights of the beautiful coasts. Americans would call this a nude beach, but it doesn't quite work that way in Europe. It's not a nude beach. It's just that women and men aren't as insecure about sexuality as Americans are. We returned to Madrid and I stayed the night at my friend's house and my love was by my side.

She told me to come back for her. I told her I would.

The next morning my friend drove Tiffanie and I to the airport. We sat there waiting for the inevitable. That last goodbye. The last kiss. The last moment. To this day, this was the last time I cried. It was just too much for me and I couldn't help but think that I was making a mistake. I loved this woman.

I watched her board the subway that she would take to get home. As the double doors closed, I saw Tiffanie for what would be the last time....

I moved to my next assignment of Ft. Bragg, NC, Home of the Airborne. Tiffanie and I spoke from time to time, but we knew we were worlds away.

She's married now....

She told me one day that if I were to show up and sweep her off her feet, that she would leave her husband in a heartbeat for me. That even though she love her husband, I am her one true love. As tempting as this offer was, I can's break up a happy home. So I denied her pleas for me to come and visit. I unfriended her from Facebook. I no longer communicate with her. I do this for her sake.

The one thing I can honestly say that I learned from my 3 years in Spain is that sometimes it is not all about

The Love of Spain...

The End