I wake up with a splitting headache during the Spring of 2009. My fancy, downtown Madrid apartment is a mess; beer cans, empty bottles of Bacardi rum, and KFC chicken boxes decorate my floor. It's been 3 months since she left.
Her name was Emma...
Alcoholism had caught up to me in a huge way. I drank when I was sad. I drank when I was happy. I drank when I was bored. I would drink alone in my apartment or I would go to this bar on the corner of my street and order cañas (cheap beer).
Since Emma left, my views of the opposite sex had decreased sharply. I viewed them as objects that were only meant to be used and discarded. I began going out nightly again just satisfy my needs. I didn't want women's phones numbers. I didn't want their names. I only wanted one thing from them.
One of my favorite things to do was going on a Pub Crawl. Every night in Puerto Del Sol, a group of tourist would meet up. There would be either a girl or a guy coordinator who ran the the Pub Crawl. They would then take the group to 5 or 6 bars and clubs and purchase each patron a shot. This was great for three reasons:
1) I can drink and party on any night of the week.
2) I could speak English again with the tourist because English is the most common travel language.
3) Tourist women were some of the easiest women because they feel they can do whatever they want with whomever they want in foreign countries.
Black people are uncommon in Spain. 99% of all black people you will see are Africans and Africans don't have the greatest reputation among the Spaniards (or anyone else in the world for that matter). But Africans also had a reputation for what they have in their pants as well. I discovered that many Spanish girls secretly wanted to see what it was like to be with an African, but were too scared to be with Africans. But a African-Americans was a different subject entirely.
I would go home with random foreign women and drunkenly sleep with them. They would leave that night and I would most likely never see them again. Or maybe I would see them at another club and we would repeat what we done. I knew they were using me, but I saw it as a good problem. Getting to know women hadn't worked out before so I wanted no emotional attachment to anyone.
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| Pub Crawl (I know I look crazy) |
One drunken night, while being shuffled from the one bar to another on the Pub Crawl, I was stopped by the bouncer of the club.
"Tu no puedes entrar." (You can't come in)
"Por que?" (Why)
"Ya lo sabes por que." (You already know why)
The alcohol had degraded my perception but as I looked around and finally I noticed why.
How could you forget you fool?
I had an altercation at this club before with a girl.
Her name was Emma...
I tried to explain to the bouncer that it wasn't what it looked like. That I wouldn't cause any problems. I just wanted to drink and talk to girls.
He didn't budge.
"What's wrong?" an American accented voice asked me from behind.
I turned around and saw a blond hair, slender, long-figured woman with the bluest eyes I ever seen.
"They won't let me in because this asshole is racist," I said.
She laughed at that.
"Well you can come with me and my friends. We are going to this Cuban club around the corner."
"Sure."
We walked into the Cuban club La Havanna. I was drunker than I realized because I was stumbling and I couldn't have been making too much sense. The blond girl just helped me around and laughed at my stupidity.
At one point we were sitting down at a large table with other people around. We were watching the Cubans salsa. I took salsa lessons for years but I wouldn't dare touch that dance floor because the Cubans were masters of this Argentine art form. They were spinning and dancing faster than I ever seen before.
Eventually I stood up clumsily my knee bumped the table. This caused a chain reaction of the table to tilt, all the drinks to roll down to one side of the table, and in spectacular fashion, spill onto three Latino ladies at the other end of the table. All three stood up immediately and just stood there staring at me with eyes and mouths wide open.
I could have sworn I heard the music stop.
I wanted to apologize but it looked so funny that the only words that I could muster was,
"My bad bitches."
The blonde girl grabbed my hand and we made a daring escape laughing the entire time. Then we walked. We walked with no destination. We talked about everything but nothing in particular. It was about 5 in the morning and I was getting tired. I asked if she wanted to come home with me. She accepted.
We went to my apartment. She didn't even care about the mess. I put in a movie like I normally did. I remember that I chose Hancock with Will Smith. I laid on the couch and invited her to come closer to me. She did and wrapped her body around mine. I would try to kiss her and she would just turn her cheek. I would try to put my hand in her pants and she would softly knock it away.
What the hell man?!
Eventually I fell asleep. I woke up to a folded piece of paper on my coffee table.
Gavin,
I had a great time with you last night. You are so much fun. I stole your number from your phone so I'll call you later today.
-Lana
Her name was Lana...
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| Lana (Left) |
Why in the hell would I want to talk to a girl who didn't sleep with me? She must have me confused or something.
She called the next day like she said she would in her note. She was going out with friends and wanted me to come. I told her I didn't have any money to go out. She told me not to worry about it.
I went and met her and her friends. I figured they would be American like her but they were Spanish. I asked if she only hung out with Spaniards or did she know some more Americans like us. Lana then told me that she wasn't American. She was Serbian. She went to an American School in Spain where they had to use English her whole life.
I asked her if we were going to get drunk somewhere cheap first. She looked at me strangely and said that she didn't drink. I told her that I saw her drink last night, but she said that she only ordered coke.
How sad Gavin. You don't know a single thing about this girl. You don't know a single thing about any girl you've met recently. Is this who you've become?
That night I abstained from alcohol because I didn't want to embarrass myself. Lana paid the entrance fee to the club and we had a great time. She seemed to have money which is very strange for someone of her age. Most Spaniards under the age of 30 are flat broke. Some 60% of the Spanish under the age of 30 are unemployed and even more still live with their parents. So for Lana to have her own money was very impressive. I learned that she was some type of advertiser for Warner Brothers in Spain. When a movie came out, she would come up with Spanish advertisements.
She went home with me again that night. Again we laid on the couch while we watched a movie.
Maybe she wouldn't sleep with me because I was so drunk last time?
I made my moves and she gently denied me yet again. When the subways opened up at 6 AM, she left me yet again confused and sexually frustrated.
I began wanting Lana now out of sheer bragging rights. We went out a few more times but we never had a moment that was anything typical friends wouldn't have done. I was confused as to why she would come home with me and not sleep with me.
One day she called to come over. I was so sick of not getting any action that I told her that I didn't want to be just her friend, and that I couldn't see her anymore because it would be too hard. She didn't like that but she didn't argue.
The very next day she called again.
"I'm coming over," she stated with no room for negotiation.
When she arrived and I opened the door, she gave me the biggest kiss ever.
"I've missed you Gavin. I thought I only liked you as a friend, but when you told me that you didn't want to see me, I realized that I didn't want to lose you."
We kissed some more before we made it to my bed. I was gentle and soft as I removed her clothing. Taking of a woman's clothing is like opening a Wonder Ball. You never know what you're going to get. Most women have figured out a way to dress and conceal any unwanted attention areas, but there is no hiding it when they are undressed. Luckily Lana's body somehow looked better without the clothes. I went in close and entered her. The sex was.....
AWFUL...
We were out of rhythm. We didn't know what each other liked, and I don't think either one of us climaxed.
When she came over the next time it was much better. And even better the next time after that. By our fourth bedding, we were having lustful, great sex. We would always joke about how bad the first time was.
Things were really fun with Lana. Her job at Warner Brothers got her tickets to Spanish premiere movies in Madrid. I saw Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law for the premiere of Sherlock Holmes. She also took me to the Edge of Darkness premiere and Mel Gibson came as well. Red Carpets are really stupid. Celebrities just stand there taking pictures and only talking among themselves.
Lana and I started taking mini weekend vacations. We went to Valle De Los Caidos outside of Madrid. The Spanish dictator forced people to build this huge monument where he was buried in. We went to El Escorial which is a large Spanish monestary that took over 100 years to complete. The Spanish have an expression:
"Va a tardar mas tiempo que el Escorial" (it's going to take more than El Escorial).
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| El Escorial |
We always had fun. I drank sometimes but not nearly as much. I didn't need to anymore. I actually enjoyed life again somber. Sometimes she would pay for me to drink a lot because she said the sex was better when I was drunk. I never argued with her on that subject. I never argued with her on any subject.
One night she invited me to the Spotify release party. I told her that I didn't really want to go because I had to be at work early in the morning and I was already on thin ice for my attendance. She said that she only wanted to go long enough to say hello to some friends. I decided to go with her.
The party was awesome. They played good music and best of all they had an open bar. Lana kept running to the bar to get more free drinks. She's trying to get me drunk again. We stayed there and partied for longer than intended and we went back to my apartment for great, drunk sex.
When I woke up in the morning, it was full daylight outside. I was late yet again. I checked my phone and I had 12 missed calls from my supervisor. I got ready in a hurry. Lana kept telling me how sorry she was. On my way out the door I looked at her and said, "I should have never fucked with you Lana."
At work I was reprimanded and was recommended for punishment. I was reduced in rank and sentenced to 14 days of Extra Duty. I was angry. Really angry. All of it was directed at Lana. I stopped answering her calls. I would come up with excuses of why I couldn't see her. She told me that she was sorry and sad. I didn't care.
This is exactly why you don't get close to women. They are nothing but trouble. Everything was good before her.
After weeks of avoiding Lana, I slipped back into my old ways. One Wednesday night I went out to Orange Cafe by myself. It was packed full of women, but I only had an eye for one. She had dark brown hair and she was dressed in a sporty hip-hop fashion. She was a little on the chubby side but the way she moved to the music had be mesmerized. Lana crossed my mind, but I quickly abandoned those thoughts. I went and talked to the girl. She was Australian and Spanish and her name was Isabel but she went by Isa. I told her how pretty I thought she was and that she should give me her number. She gave them to me.
A few nights later, Isa and I met up at a cafe up the street from my house. She said that she is from Sidney, Australia but she decided to come to Spain for a while to visit her grandmother who is suffering from dementia Her accent was so cute and she had a beautiful face. After a few drinks, I invited her back to my apartment. She hesitated at first but she seemed to change her mind and decided to come along. She said that she could sing and she sang me some of the most beautiful songs I ever heard in person. We spent the rest of the night being intimate. I really liked this girl. She was smart, funny, and talented. I may have been more intrigued by the fact that she was from Australia and the only thing I knew about Australia was kangaroos.
She left the next morning. Lana called and I answered the phone. She said that she was coming over and she had to talk to me. I agreed. Before she came I noticed my room was littered with used condom wrappers. Lana and I stopped using condoms long ago. I picked them and put them into a bag. I lived on the 6th floor and the only way to take out the trash was to go all the way downstairs to the dumpster. Being lazy I just set the bag outside of my door.
Lana arrived and came in. She demanded to know why I had been avoiding her. I told her that I just wanted to be alone since I was demoted. She asked if I blamed her. If looks can tell a story, my look said it all. She gathered her things and left quickly. I could have chased behind her but I didn't care. I wanted her to leave.
Seconds later I hear a knock at my door. I opened the door to find Lana standing there. She was just staring at me without saying anything. I looked down to see that she was holding the bag full of condoms in her hand.
"I was just going to throw your trash away for you and this is what I found inside. Tell me it's not what it looks like Gavin." Her voice cracked as she said it.
I looked into her deep blue eyes as they started to fill with tears. I should tell her that it wasn't what it seemed like. I need to make her feel better. She really likes me and I can't break her heart like this. I think it's OK to lie if the truth only brings pain, right?
"Get the fuck out of my building Lana."
I closed the door on her and that part of my life. She had helped me come back to reality. She made me realize that women weren't objects anymore. Alcohol was the only thing that used to make me forget about Emma but Lana became something better. But I betrayed her and then turned my back on her. I felt sad but I was still so angry with her that I didn't care about her feelings anymore. So for now I had Isa and the girl who may have saved my life from alcoholism was gone forever.
Her name was Lana.
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| Lana took this picture for me. I'm upset that I don't have more pictures of her. |
